so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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