I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
