Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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