Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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