On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
