I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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