you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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