Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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