we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
