party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
