It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
