i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
God, you're like boner-b-gone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize