C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
