he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
