how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
