i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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