I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
