I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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