I hope mine doesn't look like that
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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