meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
