i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
