so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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