Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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