a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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