We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
