Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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