How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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