She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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