The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
