it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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