just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
