This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
