Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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