they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
