Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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