SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
