nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
