The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
