im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
