Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
