dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
