Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
