She said her name was "party"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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