South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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