If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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