Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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