Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
