Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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