All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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