And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
