can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize