Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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