does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
