Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A+ Viking dick
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