I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize