All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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