Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
