Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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