I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
