I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
