TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
