Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
