ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
birth control should be required to get into college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
