your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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