To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
