i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
