OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
