shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
