You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think my tv is drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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