nut hugger
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
